I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
