I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
They have beer where we have blood.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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