you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
