just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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