Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
