he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
