I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
