I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
