mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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