1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
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Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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