I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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