4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
