I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
