i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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