NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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