did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
