your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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