...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
