is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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