we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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