Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
