I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
and you fell through a lawn chair
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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