Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
