They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
