Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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