similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
