I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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