i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
