I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
