I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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