i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
