u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize