Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
