why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Life is so much better after having sex.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
