sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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