there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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