I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
