Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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