good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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