Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
