i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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