rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
