Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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