Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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