Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just found puke in my bra..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
