she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
