you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
