I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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