So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
