Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
