What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
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Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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