How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
