its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
