I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we made out on top of his cat.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
