did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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