Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
