hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
