My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
