No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
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Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
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I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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